Everyone has heard the phrase “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.” This may not be the most politically correct thing to say, particularly when gender discrimination is such a hot topic, but sometimes it can feel true. I know sometimes my husband looks at me like I am from another planet.

I was at a breakfast recently put on by Harvard Business School about the “Business of Non-Profit,” a subject right up my alley. One of the topics for discussion was ‘Who is your customer?’ This took me back to my own business school days and our marketing professor yelling the word ‘customer’ over and over again to the class. Who is the Big Brothers Big Sisters customer? The answer usually falls somewhere between ‘it’s complicated’ and ‘it depends.’

Uniquely in the nonprofit sector we have a variety of stakeholders and ‘customers.’ At BBBS, we have our Board of Directors, we have donors and grantors, we have the families and children we serve, and we have our volunteer Bigs. Those are a lot of people with varied needs and wants. Sometimes, the differences in appealing to men and women are even more diverse than the expectation of these groups. In work and in my personal life, I accepted long ago that there are major differences between men and women in their preferences, thinking, and motivations. My current position as CEO of BBBS Orange County has only reinforced that notion.

We are an agency run by women; this isn’t by design, it is simply a fact. Of late, our team has been unabashedly obsessed with men. We have a serious deficit, a drought if you will, of male mentors. This is a result of years of videos and messaging that mostly appeals to women. I have joked a million times that I can get a woman to sign up to be a mentor in less than 30 seconds. I can tell her a story, see her picture a child’s circumstance in her mind, witness the hair perk up on her arm, and she will do anything to help that child. A few hours a month? No problem! Emotion works… with women.

For the past few months, our team has been constantly reminding ourselves that what appeals to us isn’t always (read: usually isn’t) in line with what attracts male donors and potential Bigs. I love telling the story about my development team and I sitting at the Balboa Bay Resort picking out hors d’oeuvres for our gala, which was once branded a gentlemen’s dinner and is still mostly attended by a male demographic. We all loved the spoon with citrus beets and goat cheese, but then realized men would HATE this appetizer. A focus group of men would have probably ranked this last on their list. We quickly realized we should serve them the meat-sicle (like a popsicle but lamb) instead.

So if emotion (and beets) works for women, what about men? When approaching a potential male Big, I sometimes have to interact with him up to eight times before the ask. I have to court him, be subtle but not desperate, show him what is in it for him, and then make him think it’s all his idea – it’s almost like dating.

In our experience we have found that men volunteer for practical reasons: it looks good on a resume, it attracts women, and it’s the right thing to do. It isn’t about the personal backstory of a particular child. Their emotional involvement comes later after having spent significant time with their Little; but it’s not what gets them off the couch.

Lately we have found that the women who volunteer want the story; they want to mentor a child with the most obstacles in their way. Women focus on the end result – the feeling of accomplishment they get when their Little has made a complete 180 degree turn. Men focus more on the journey. Another interesting fact: our male matches last longer.

Recruiting men is challenging, but also surprises us in many ways. Most men who volunteer for us are Type A, highly educated, and upwardly mobile. They are exactly who you would think are too busy to commit their time. But those who are busy know how to multitask and are less afraid of the time commitment. They’re often extremely humble about it, to the point that even their closest friends don’t know. Women love to show pictures of them and their mentee dancing it up at a Taylor Swift concert or grabbing lunch at a Farmer’s Market.

In fact, a recent study shows 71 percent of men said they have never shared information about their charitable activities on social media. Even those that live on social media and make it their career don’t share this topic. This can make recruitment challenging. Men may be passionate about a cause but do little to inspire that passion in others. Not for any fault of their own, just because they don’t think to do it – it isn’t why they signed up.

Appealing to men and women doesn’t mean creating the same campaigns and hoping it works on both. If we accept and appeal to the different motivations between them, we can better serve the kids our philanthropic organizations were created to serve.

If you’re interested in becoming a mentor, visit www.OCBigs.org. Make change happen.